Love Languages in a Neurodiverse Marriage

Love languages—words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, physical touch, and gifts—are often discussed in marriage advice. But when one spouse is neurodiverse and the other is neurotraditional, the way love is expressed and received can look a little different.

Understanding Love Through a Neurodiverse Lens

For a neurodiverse spouse, sensory sensitivities might make physical touch less appealing, or executive function struggles may make acts of service harder to initiate. A neurotraditional spouse might expect a certain level of verbal affirmation that their partner struggles to provide naturally. The key is to recognize how your spouse wants to give and receive love, rather than assuming it will look like a neurotypical expression.

Adjusting Love Languages in Your Marriage

• Words of Affirmation: Instead of spontaneous “I love yous,” try scheduled or written affirmations that feel more natural to a neurodiverse spouse.
• Quality Time: Structured time together, like a planned game night or a designated TV show, may work better than unstructured “just hanging out.”
• Acts of Service: A checklist of ways to help may be more effective than broad requests for support.
• Physical Touch: Recognizing when and how touch is comfortable can lead to more positive physical connection.
• Gifts: Practical gifts or surprise-free giving may be preferred over spontaneous, emotion-driven gifts.

Growing Together

Understanding each other’s love languages through a neurodiverse perspective allows both spouses to feel valued without pressure to conform. Small changes in how love is expressed can make a big difference in how love is received.

With love, Dr Mary

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